Colombiana

Recently I saw Colombiana.

The “professional” reviewers/critics do not like this film; saying things like the acting was terrible, the plot was thin, there were implausible scenes, and that Zoe Saldana is dangerously underweight.  What the hell do they know, I say, who cares.  I don’t think critics go to movies to enjoy them, but rather to pick them apart without actually thinking about the type of movie they are watching.  I mean if Ms. Saldana is not happy with her weight, then she should do something about it, come on she is thin, not emaciated, and I suppose a Twinkie (or some pizza and beer) would not hurt, but really, should it be the focal point of a movie review? No it should not.  So, on to my rating and my review.

My Rating:  One slice of Pizza in deference to Zoe Saldana’s slight frame, and a pitcher of Beer. 

Basically, this is a summer action flick supported by a really good soundtrack and featuring a bad ass, gun wielding hot chick as the main character – for the genera, what could be better?  It is not deep and thought provoking, it is not emotional, but it was not meant to be. To tie in my Pizza and Beer review, there is not a lot of meat on the bones, supported by the one slice of pizza; but it is fun, supported by all the beer.

Zoe Saldana is the main character (Cataleya – the name of a type of orchid).  As an actress, she is best known for her supporting roles as Neytiri in Avatar and of course as Lt. Commander Uhura, the communications officer on the Enterprise (Star Trek – JJ Abrams 2009 version).  In this film it is all her, all the time – even in the scenes she is not physically present, she is the focal point.  The supporting actors are pretty much meaningless, vehicles to move Cataleya along in the film, to be used or killed.  Yea, there is love for her Uncle and Grandmother (who end up being killed of course), but they are really just additional fodder to feed the revenge theme. OK, but even as fodder, they deserve some mention:
Actor:                   Character:           Notes:
Jordi Molla          Marco                  Chief Lieutenant of the Drug Lord (Killed Cataleya’s Parents)
Lennie James      Ross                      FBI Agent who is hunting Cataleya (reluctantly helps her)
Michael Vartan   Danny                  Cataleya’s love interest (kinda a wimp)
Cliff Curtis            Emilio                  Cataleya’s Uncle (he is her main supporter through the movie)

Cataleya’s parents are killed early in the film, setting up the revenge theme for us.  By the look in the child’s eyes, you can tell right away that the bad guys are going to be annihilated eventually, and it certainly comes to fruition.  She runs fast, gets into and out of virtually impossible situations, and blows stuff up…all this on top of the wicked awesome gun play.  I particularly liked the scene where she is up on the balcony in the house of the drug lord who ordered her family killed, raining bullets from twin Uzis down on the bad guys.  This is right out of Scarface, all she needed to do to make this perfect is to yell out “Say Hello To My Little Friends!”  …and it ties neatly with poster in the young boy’s room (her dead cousin’s room to be exact) that she sleeps in when she first comes to America.  Can you say full circle – not subtle, but still fun to see.

The quote you will hear most often from this movie is:  “Never forget where you came from.”   This is interesting, because after she leaves Colombia for America, she never goes back and none of the film takes place there…and as for remembering, it is not really remembering where she comes from that drives her, but remembering what happened there.  Ah well, it makes a good quote.
All in all, this movie is fun entertainment.  Will it win any awards, no.  Will you enjoy watching it, well, if you like this type of movie, then yea, you will, at least I did. 

That’s all for now, so until next time, enjoy the movies with some pizza and beer; and most of all, stay healthy and happy.